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FireRiffs Presents: The Amazing Spider-Man

When Peter Parker, semi-nerdy teenage skateboard/stalker gets bitten by a genetically modified spider, he inherits all the powers of a spider! Well, almost all of them. I mean, he can’t spin his own webs so he has to make web shooters for that, but otherwise all the powers of a spider. Well, he doesn’t have any venom, but otherwise all the powers of a spider. Conveniently for Peter he doesn’t get any of those pesky extra limbs, or compound eyes, or an exoskeleton. Yes, the spider kindly infused him with just the useful powers like climbing walls, spidey sense (just take my word for it, real spiders have spidey sense), and enhanced strength, but no organic webbing. So really he’s just Bug-Man because without the webbing there’s really nothing that singles him out as having spider-like abilities.

When Peter stumbles across his father’s old brief case he discovers an equation that can be used to make cross species genetics work because that’s never been successfully done before. *cough* GMOs *cough* *cough* So he seeks out his father’s old partner doctor Curtis Conners. Doctor Conners has been seeking the solution for years and just by coincidence is being pushed to finish it ASAP at the exact time the Peter found the solution. Peter gives him the equation to solve the problem. What could possibly go wrong? Well as it happens, everything!

Doctor Conners uses the equation to enable him to create a serum with lizard DNA that can give people the ability to regrow lost limbs. When rushed by his boss to move to human trials immediately Doctor Conners tests it on himself to regrow his lost arm. Because when has a scientist experimenting on himself ever gone wrong in these movies? And then the crap hits the fan as he turns into a mutant lizard man hell bent on turning everyone into mutant lizards as that drive is hard wired into lizards as we all know. He probably should have used just the genes responsible for regeneration but who has the time for all that pesky gene splicing?

Now Peter must use his newly found powers, that he very conveniently acquired just before he’d need them, to stop the Lizard from turning the city of New York into the next Silurian empire.

Join me as I riff the first entry in the rebooted franchise that is already being rebooted again.

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FireRiffs Presents: The Amazing Spider-Man

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